When someone invites you to a wedding feast, do not take the place of honor, for a person more distinguished than you may have been invited. If so, the host who invited both of you will come and say to you, ‘Give this person your seat.’ Then, humiliated, you will have to take the least important place.But when you are invited, take the lowest place, so that when your host comes, he will say to you, ‘Friend, move up to a better place.’ Then you will be honored in the presence of all the other guests. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted. – Luke 14:8–10

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I tell this tale to almost all my ministees who are heading for prison. It’s based on a portion of the scripture passage often referred to in Bibles as, “Jesus At A Pharisee’s House.” Luke 14:8-11. I tell them:

Once you get to prison and settle in for few days, you’ll inevitably wonder over to the rec (recreation area). There, you’ll see some guys playing a pick-up game of basketball. You won’t know anybody yet, so you’ll probably be standing around for a while with your hands in your pockets not knowing quite what to do. After a little while, you’ll notice that there are some bleachers, the kind with two or three rows like you remember from elementary school or middle school. You will nonchalantly walk over to the bleachers to sit down and watch the basketball game.

Question: Where on the bleachers should you sit? Answer: In the back row.

If you sit in the front row of the bleachers, you will likely be sitting in somebody else’s seat, even if they are not there. Remembering this simple rule at all times, in all situations, might be the difference between keeping safe and getting killed in prison.

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I am hurting.

If you are a close reader of prisonist.org, I suppose you wouldn’t really know it. Not with all the news and events we post, speaking engagements, sermons, and other positive stuff.

In many ways, it’s my job to project the sturdiness and resiliency needed to minister to, and advocate for, the sick and suffering outcasts accused or convicted of white-collar crimes, as well as their families. What choice do I really have?

But I also know it’s my job to tell the truth. To be open and vulnerable so as to give comfort and agency to these people at a time in their lives when they are deeply suffering. And right now, I’m hurt. So I’m telling the truth.

A few times in the past few months, I’ve left banquets to which I‘ve been invited with the grim reminder that the scarlet letter of having been convicted of a “white-collar” crime is really a tattoo – a tattoo that I wear, and that we all wear if we are poor, hungry, homeless, sick or suffering from incarceration issues.

What can I do about it when I am my computer at 4 in the morning? Well, I know I can change my attitude. I know I can pray.

Precious God, if suffering is the touchstone of spiritual growth – I pray that I have learned and will grow from this moment of reflection, and that this suffering has not been in vain.

Put not your trust in princes, Nor in the son of man, in whom there is no help. His breath goeth forth, he returneth to his earth; In that very day his thoughts perish. Happy is he that hath the God of Jacob for his help. – Psalm 146:3-5

It’s time to stop relying so much on the approval of other people. It’s time for more trust and faith in God.

I have a few banquets coming up soon where I can put this to the test.

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Rev. Jeff Grant, JD, M Div, Minister/Director
jgrant@prisonist.org

jg3074@columbia.edu
(o) +1203.769.1096
(m) +1203.339.5887

Lynn Springer, Advocate, Innocent Spouses & Children
lspringer@prisonist.org
(m) +1203.536.5508

George Bresnan, Advocate, Ex-Pats
gbresnan@prisonist.org

Michael Karaffa, Advocate, Disabilities
mkaraffa@prisonist.org

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Comments from Social Media:

Eric Turner –

Founder/ Senior at Bullseye America LLC

As a minister it is very easy to carry pain. We preach, counsel and support people all the time to help strengthen their faith and family. We teach people to believe and have faith in God and at the moment of our lowness we need someone who will uplift us and help us through the pain we carry daily. I can tell you I have felt that way many times and I felt that I was Moses in the desert alone with no one to share my pain with at those moments I listen to music, I write, I counsel more so that I help more and lastly I pray more because I know that the devil is attacking me because my blessing and breakthrough is right around the corner.
God loves and I do too! Keep doing what you do!

Jeff Grant, JD, M Div-

Minister/Director, Progressive Prison Project, Greenwich, CT, The First White-Collar Ministries in the US prisonist.org

Eric, thank you for this beautiful reflection – just what I needed. A bishop is a pastor to pastors, that’s what you’ve been for me this morning. Many blessings my friend.

Barry S. Diamond –
Life is like a rose bush
something beautiful but also thorny
When I said life is good, I did not mean that there are no moments of bad. I just choose to concentrate on what is positive. We who have been incarcerated never forget. I agree that man has a problem forgiving but fortunately God does not.

So that your readers do not think your story is inaccurate, (about sitting in the wrong seat can be dangerous), I would like to tell you my encounter with this problem:
My first day in jail, I was in a cell with a young man who gladly let me bunk on the lower bed because of my age. We became friendly because he was a history buff and interested in hearing about Brooklyn , NY in the “ old days”. The first day I went down to breakfast and began to sit in an empty seat at his table. Before I knew what happened, I was being yelled at by someone who said it was his seat and if I valued my life I better never sit there. The only thing that saved me (which I did not know) was the fact that my cellmate was an important person in the cell block. He verified that I was his new cellmate and did not know better. I was “allowed” to sit at the next table over and was treated with respect by everyone who was at my new table.

Maybe it’s time someone wrote a short explanation of proper conduct for a newbie so that a first time person can more easily survive their incarceration. I would be more than happy to post it on our web-site reentrysurvivors.com.
– Barry